Mytime

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Self-destruction

Wednesday morning 6:30 am - 359
Thursday morning 6:30 am - 351

Don't start feeling bad for me (if you are)... those numbers are all my fault. Tuesday night pretzels did me in and Wednesday night it was pizza. These numbers, however, are unusual for me in the morning. Work hasn't been great lately and days are long, waking numbers that are this high really doesn't help me get through the day.

I understand that my doctor needs to see my numbers in order to adjust my basal rates, but it's been so hard for me to write them down because I know why my numbers aren't perfect. It's what I eat. I really think if I could get the eating under control then my numbers would get under control too.

I feel like I'm self-destructing. I'm doing it to myself and I can't get it under control.

4 Comments:

  • I hope you're doing okay. I've been reading up on your latest posts and I want you to know that if you need anything, or if you just want ot have an offline conversation, please feel free to email me at sixuntilme@yahoo.com.

    Take care.

    Keep us posted on how you are.

    By Blogger Kerri., at 11:23 PM, January 26, 2006  

  • Hey!

    I hear you and I can completely relate. I think all of us can be self-destructive in one way or another. Being that we have this disease, we should know better, but sometimes it's hard NOT to fall back on things that aren't good for us...bad habits that we have turned to during stressful or tense moments.

    Personally speaking, I know that I am horrible when it comes to dealing with stress. That's when I turn to doing unhealthy things and, instead of making me feel better, I feel worse later on.

    My way of dealing with things is to turn to food for comfort. I guess this is something I started doing as a child and it's stuck with me, unfortunately. This is especially bad, b/c of my health status (Diabetes). You don't want to have a food "issue" and also have Diabetes as well. It's not a good combination.

    I hope I am not totally off base when I talk about stress causing problems...I apologize if that's not the case. However, if it is, I think the best thing to do is to find better, more productive ways of dealing with emotions or stress. That's easier said than done, believe me, I know. I'm still trying to find better ways...

    Sorry for this never-ending post, but I wanted to respond and let you know that you are not alone. So please do not beat yourself up or be too hard on yourself, we all are human...

    Hang in there :)

    By Blogger Andrea, at 9:22 AM, January 27, 2006  

  • Oh, I forgot to ask you how you're appointment went? Hope it went well. Keep us posted :)

    By Blogger Andrea, at 9:32 AM, January 27, 2006  

  • Delurking to say:

    I HATE keeping records. They feel like stark black and white records of failure, without any of the shades of grey that are real life (had really shitty stressful day resolved only by chocolate, didn't want to admit I had really eaten the whole bag of m&ms so unconsciously undercounted my insulin... record says only 346)

    Your words "I feel like I'm self-destructing. I'm doing it to myself and I can't get it under control" really struck a chord with me.

    I know that my self-care-taking leaves much to be desired. Why is it that two hours after breakfast I still haven't taken my shot? I've thought about it a number of times but every time I get distracted. As you said... I'm doing it to myself... and I can't get it under control.

    Sorry for the long comment, but I just wanted to let you know you've got company.

    -Mari

    By Anonymous Mari, at 11:53 AM, January 27, 2006  

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