Bachelorette party...

Okay, obviously not mine :) It was a night out on the town in Atlantic City. We stayed at the Tropicana which turned out to be really cool, we didn't need to leave the hotel, all the partying was able to be done right there.

The theme of the party was ARMY, we all wore army shirts and added flair to make the army shirts cute. I think the whole hotel new of our group. There were about 17 of us, it was crazy. First stop was this Irish pub, it rocked, there was a live band and the bachelorette was quite content getting up on the stage and dancin' with the band. THen we were onto some odd jamaican type bar where we met some bachelor party, then back to the IRish pub where I proceeded to get on the stage. Aparently there are funny pics.

So I guess I drank a little too much red bull (sugar free) I could've stayed up forever. Two of my friends and I went down to the slots. I have such an addictive nature, if I actually had money I'd be in big trouble cause I'd probably lose it all gambling. Being poor I guess comes in handy. Finally dropped off one of my friends and Laur and I were the last of the troopers. Lauren down in the casino with her socks (her feet hurt) and me with my last $40 bucks, ready to finally go to bed at 6:30ish AM. Walking to the hotel and i pass that damn last row of slots, "hey Laur, I'm just going to give it one more try" and at $5 dollars per spin I lost $20 in hmm let's say 8 seconds. Oh man what the hell is wrong with me. I have to say for some reason I wasn't upset, I love playing the slots, however would love it better if I was winning. I mean, who wouldn't.

Woke up this morning I had the luxury of driving back to Bmore, that damn red bull I still couldn't shut up, we had about 2 hours of sleep and it's 10:30pm and I"m still not tired. I'm thinking tomorrow at work is going to SUCK!!!!!!

Can I give up??

Yesterday, I wanted to give up... just give up.

This is kind of funny, on Friday I went out with this guy. At dinner we (for some reason) were reading the back of sweet and low and I mentioned that I like equal, he says, "just use the real thing, it's not going to kill you" I say, "well it might" he says "only if you were a ..." I say, "yea I'm diabetic" small amount of of uncomfortable silence. I thought it was funny, awkward, but funny.

Anyway why I want to give up on it all, so we go to dinner, I secretly under the table bolused (I had a crabcake and sweet potato fries), I thought I actually may have taken too much insulin so I was feeling a little nervous that I was going to drop. At the end of dinner, the boy went to the bathroom and I again, secretly tested my blood 324... yikes, I take insulin and we proceed to the next bar. I got another drink, but was having difficulty drinking it, then we left, he walked me home and that was it... tested when I got home and my blood sugar was 350, f*ck... no wonder why I feel like crap.

I'm exhausted, but I take another dose of insulin, knowing that it will come crashing down on my... I stay up trying to watch a movie, passing out a little, and then try and eat a little something when my blood comes down to the 100s.

I don't know how I will ever go on a normal date. When I'm not around people I feel comfortable with i don't go out of my way to test my blood and I secretly take insulin.

So onto the next day, i finally wake up, go to the gym, but when I leave the gym my blood is 237, I know I'm going to have problems. I'm hungry, going to eat lunch and of course my blood sugar stays high for the rest of the afternoon. I just want to give up! It takes so much energy to make this work, to make living everyday okay.

I want to get over this not being okay with the disease. My life would be so much easier if I can accept the disease and get on w/ my life. It's weird I never really used to feel sorry for myself, but when I'm at a party or with friends I don't think why me, but I think they have no idea what I have to do on a minute by minute daily basis. Everyone's having fun and I'm thinkning "I have to test my blood" "I have to take insulin" "I have to watch what i'm eating" blah blah blah...

I'm tired (this time, not just sleepy). I'm tired of this all.

Let's see... chocolate, gummy bears, popcorn...

What the hell is wrong with me. AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! It seems like the day of venting, but that's all I'll say about the crap I've been eating. Oh yea I hate my job too :) Thank goodness it's almost Friday.

I tag Artificially Sweetened!

Honky Tonkn' in Nashville

This weekend was a true family affair in Nashville, TN. My cousin eloped in Dec and he and his new bride threw a party to celebrate their lovely union. So, the fam came from NY/NJ, Bmore (me) and Cali to join in on the festivities.

I actually have a really small family so it's nice when we get together. As you may have read from some of my previous posts my relationship with the rents and fam in general has been a little rocky. Well, the weekend was really great. We all had a lot of fun.

I have to say Nashville is an interesting city, LOTS of live music. On Friday night, after the family dinner the bride, groom, my rents, aunt and the bride and groom hit the bars. I was so tired, but REFUSED to turn in before my parents. My dad, not so secretively, wants to be a cowboy so he was in heaven.

I felt like I was testing a lot this weekend. On Friday night dinner was sort of buffet style at an Italian pizza joint. I was good just ate one slice, I need something in my tummy for when the captain and diets hit. Close to end of the night my blood sugar dropped to 67, shoot... so I eat another piece of pizza. I think, that'll do it AND I'll be up late so I can try and catch the high that usually happens after eating pizza. An hour or so passes and we have reconvened in the hotel lobby to hit the bars and in the cab tested again and the blood sugar was still in the 60s. So I go to the bar order a beer and a glass of OJ. I'm such a tool, I'm at this live music bar drinking OJ. To make along story short I wake up at 6ish with a blood sugar of 380, holy crap. Well, I take insulin (and go to the bathroom) and when I wake up for breakfast the blood sugar is all good.

I just kept testing all day, I'm usually pretty compulsive about the testing, but I just felt like I was really testing a lot. Sat. night I wore a dress to the wedding and as most of the ladies can relate to finding a place for the pump is so difficult sometimes. My solution, under my arm in my bra. Thinking I'm a genius didn't realize what a pain in the ass it was going to be everytime I need to take insulin for the rest of the night. I almost cried in the bathroom at my cousin's party, it was very difficult to maneuvar in order to get the pump back to where it needed to go to be hidden away. Not the end of the world, but it sucked.

The wedding was fun, I danced, drank and hung with the family.

Most of the fam came from NY/NJ and lucky them, ALL FLIGHTS CANCELLED!!!! sniff sniff I was the only one (except for my cuz going back to Cali) who had to leave. I was hoping, praying, finger crossing (yes, i made up that phrase) that my flight would be cancelled. Damn you snow, I mean you could've dropped a few feet on Bmore to help me out :) I guess I have to go to work tomorrow.

THANKS so much for tagging me Andrea!! Woohoo!

Four Jobs I've Had:
1) current job - Account Manager in advertising agency
2) Waitress at a local bar and a more popular chain restaurant
3) worked at Abercrombie and Fitch
4) I worked as a temp once cashing people's really really late checks in order to enroll in college

Four Movies I Can Watch Over and Over:
1) SHAG
2) Dirty Dancing
3) 16 Candles
4) Napoleon Dynomite

Four Places I have lived: not in this order
1) Nyack, NY
2) Baltimore, MD
3) College Park, MD -- let's go TERPS
4) Ocean City, MD (for a summer)

Four TV Shows I Love to Watch:
1) Grey's Anatomy - I can't believe the bomb blew up
2) Real World/Road Rules Challenge
3) The Amazing Race
4) The Biggest Loser

Four Places I've Vacationed:
1) Nashville (just this weekend)
2) Israel
3) Tampa
4) Cancun

Four Favorite Foods:
1) Eggplant
2) fruit
3) Chocolate
4) stir fry


Four Websites I (try to) Visit Daily:
1) Myspace (it's my guilty pleasure)
2) Yahoo News
3) a blog in The OC
4) ????

Four Places I Would Much Rather Be Right Now:
1) In my bed sleeping
2) Still in Nashville
3) somewhere far far away so that I couldn't physically OR remotely go to work tomorrow :)
4) In New York

It kind of looks like a lot have people have already been tagged. I'd love to tag someone, but I can't figure out who hasn't been tagged yet.